"I've created a monster....."

.....have been my thoughts and feelings these last few days with my children. Pardon me as I rant and rave for this post....

What on earth have I done to my children? Seriously, I don't know if it's just that daddy is out of town or what, (although they are like this when he's home too....) but my kids have been acting like monsters lately.......spoiled-rotten-disobedient-rude-whiney-clingy-selfish-MONSTERS. The kids nearly had me in tears last night. what else is new. The kids were disobedient all day yesterday. Daddy just left town early yesterday morning, so that didn't help matters any. We were all 3 missing daddy, and it was a Monday, nonetheless.....but still! They (mostly Isaiah) was acting like a (pardon my words....) spoiled rotten brat! He flat out tells me NO, when I ask him or tell him to do something. He demands a drink at the table.......("gimme a drink"!!!), and when I finally get him to ask me correctly, he refuses to drink the drink that I give him.....he wants a different cup. And if I've allready filled his cup with water or juice, he flat out spills it all over the table/floor, because I got the "wrong cup". AUGH! I just want to scream at him. I spank him, I put him in time-out, I send him to his room.......none of these things works with this kid. If I get him the wrong cereal, or the wrong......whatever.....he screams. How do I put an end to this????

Then, last night, after a not-so-pleasant visit with my parents (not on my parents part, mind you, the kids were just being rude and not obeying), we came home and I gave them a bath. All is well, right? Then, right before I'm getting ready to put them in bed (around 7:30- the earliest I've put them to bed in a while, but I'd had enough.....and I needed some space!), I get a call from this 90-something year old lady at our church, wanting to talk to Jeremy about an outreach project that Jer is in charge of at our church this Saturday. As I'm trying to talk to her, the kids are literaly chasing each other around me and screaming. I excuse myself and take my conversation in my office and lock the kids out, while I finish my conversation. Half way through the conversation, I notice the kids are too quiet. The lady was going on and on, just jabbering, and would not say good-bye.....she must have been lonely or something, cuz she was just jabbering. Anyways, the kids were too quiet, and that is never a good sign with my children. When they are quiet, they are sleeping or getting in to something they shouldn't be. So after I finally hung up, I went out and as soon as I opened my office door, I was hit with a strong scent of vicks vapor rub. (Jer and I had gotten it out earlier last week, and put it on Isaiahs chest at night time when he was having a bad cough. Apparently, we didn't put it 'up' enough). I walk in to Isaiah's room, where they are both sitting on his floor, playing with the vapor rub.....and putting it on them like lotion. I was flippin' MAD. I had just got them out of the bath tub, and now they have this greasy, slimy vapor rub all over their hands, the bottle, in clumps on the floor and (Lilly's) face. I wiped it up as much as I could and sent them both to bed. As to which neither of them stayed. Lilly needed her blankey. Then Isaiah needed a drink. Then Lilly needed to be tucked in. Then Isaiah needed his blankeys on him......and on and on. I was fuming. It took me a good 45 min to cool off.

My daughter just 2 months shy of being four years old. FOUR! Why is she still getting in to everything like a 1 or 2 year old?????? Why can she not play by herself? Why does she need mommy all the time? Even if Jer is there.....she has to know where mommy is at. She no longer takes afternoon naps for me. Which would be fine if she would go to her room and have 'quiet time' and give mommy some space. But does she? Noooooooo. She is literaly under my feet from the moment she wakes up, until she goes to sleep at night.

And my son. shew. Don't even get me started on his screaming temper-tantrums.

I took Lilly to her Itty Bitty Tumblers class tonight. And Isaiah too, of course, since Jeremy is gone. What a nightmare that was. Isaiah would not listen, and was running around, and got Lilly to running around, and then Isaiah got in my purse and got my car keys out and set off my car alarm....twice. I almost took them out of there half way through, but we made it until 5 minutes til the end of class, and we scurried out of there. I had planned on taking the kids to DQ afterwards, since it is close, but they kids were so bad, we came straight home instead. (the 2 photos posted are of Lilly's 'good' moments at tumblers class tonight)

I'm just at a loss. I don't know what else to do. This week, I honestly feel as though I've completely failed as a mother. A "good" mother wouldn't have her kids talking to her like mine do, or acting like mine do. A "good" mother would have control over her children. My kids are seriously sinking me in to a deep depression.

A few months ago, I went to our evening MOPS meeting, and we had a good time and good discussion. I'd had a rough day with the kids (nothing unusual - there are more 'rough' days than not around here), and was just crying. I was talking to a sweet mentor we have, and told her that I was all upset, thinking about my kids, and how I keep hearing from other moms to....."enjoy these days.....cuz it only gets worse from here". what on earth?!?! My husband would seriously have to put me on suicidal watch or something! (now don't go freaking out everyone....I'm not going to take my life.....I'm just sayin'......) How can it possibly get worse?

Well, the mentor talked to me, and said 'I don't know who you've been talking to, but it does not get worse! My sons are teens, and we have a great relationship and I love where they are at now. Whoever has been telling you that is lying! Yes, there are challenges, that come along with every age. Each age group has their own set of challenges, but it does not have to get worse". Well, she made me feel a little better. There's hope, I thought. Well, just today, I heard it again......from a good friend, nonetheless. One person was complaining about her 9 year old daughter, and another said, 'just wait, it gets even worse when they turn 10!'.

I am in tears as I am typing this. how-can-it-possibly-get-worse?????? What is the truth? Yes, I know God is the Truth. I'm trying to turn to him, honestly. It's just so hard. I think my mistake is, I've been praying too much for patience with the kids. So maybe God is growing my patience?

Whatever it is, I feel as if I am at my ropes end. I don't know what to do with these kids that God has entrusted me with. I could go on and on. I just don't know what to do.

Now that I've got you all scared to death to ever come visit me at my house, or visit my kids, or even offer to babysit, I will end this. I will end it with a few prayer points.

Me....just in general

A good friend of mine has a serious prayer request. I can't say any more than that....she just needs God's touch!

Jeremy as he's in Mexico this week for work. He'll be traveling all day on Friday to come home.

My parents, they are leaving Thurs morning for a 3 week vacation for a "tour of the east coast" =) Pray for safety and that they will have a fabulous time!

Isaiah to GO TO BED AND GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!! It's 10:02 as I'm typing this, and I have been fighting him for 2 hours now to go to bed. He's still up and just asked for a drink. Lord, help me.

Thank you all, for allowing me this post to rant and rave and complain. It's like therapy. Now I'm off to forget my troubles (hopefully, if Isaiah will go to sleep!), and dive in to Karen Kingsbury's latest book release, "Sunset". The last book in a 14 book series. Good Night.